The mouse that roared

With bellicose talk in the Commons and throughout the tabloids of liberal interventionsim in Libya and "something must be done", time for a reality check. Yesterday came the news that the former aircraft carrier, Ark Royal, is for sale on ebay and you can add it to your cart. Ebay? And the discussion continues about what can actually be flown off the deck off the existing aircraft carrier? Helicopters.

It is time for a reality check. The UK is no longer an imperial power but a middle ranking European state. It should stop trying to be the world's enforcer and sidekick to the USA, in various imperial adventures in far flung lands. At a time when hospitals, schools and even basic benefits for disabled people are being cut, there is simply no excuse for the millions wasted by the MOD and the even madder Trident programme.

All of this reminds me of the idiocy and pomposity portrayed by Sir Joseph Porter, the Admiral, in Gilbert and Sullivan's 'HMS Pinafore', a production of which I am going to see soon.

SIR JOSEPH:


When I was a lad I served a term

As office boy to an Attorney's firm.

I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,

And I polished up the handle of the big front door.

I polished up that handle so carefullee

That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!





CHORUS REPEATS



As office boy I made such a mark

That they gave me the post of a junior clerk.

I served the writs with a smile so bland,

And I copied all the letters in a big round hand--

I copied all the letters in a hand so free,

That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!







CHORUS.



In serving writs I made such a name

That an articled clerk I soon became;

I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit

For the pass examination at the Institute,

And that pass examination did so well for me,

That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!







CHORUS.



Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip

That they took me into the partnership.

And that junior partnership, I ween,

Was the only ship that I ever had seen.

But that kind of ship so suited me,

That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!



CHORUS.



I grew so rich that I was sent

By a pocket borough into Parliament.

I always voted at my party's call,

And I never thought of thinking for myself at all.

I thought so little, they rewarded me

By making me the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!



CHORUS.



Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,

If you want to rise to the top of the tree,

If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool,

Be careful to be guided by this golden rule--

Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,

And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee!



CHORUS